I'll Be There For You...

I happen to have a steel trap memory for song lyrics, particularly when it comes to television theme songs. A lot of those songs are about friends. Does anyone else remember The Courtship of Eddie’s Father? Harry Nilsson wrote and performed the catchy theme song. “People let me tell you ‘bout my be-est friend...” (Now it’s going to be stuck in my head all day!) Then there’s “Thank You For Being a Friend”. Even if you didn’t watch The Golden Girls you know it when you hear it. And, of course, the above-referenced theme song from Friends. “I’ll Be There For You” was written and performed by the Rembrandts (who knew?), covered by the Goo Goo Dolls and the Jonas Brothers, and parodied by “Weird Al” Yankovic.

And don’t get me started on classic rock. James Taylor crooned ”You’ve Got a Friend”. The Stones belted out “I’m Just Waiting on a Friend”. Lou Reed and Queen both sang about “My Best Friend”. And perhaps most inspirational was The Beatles’ “With a Little Help From My Friends”. (It certainly inspired Joe Cocker’s unforgettable performance at Woodstock.)

We all need friends, especially when we’re seeking recovery. No matter how strong the desire, getting clean and sober is something you can’t do alone. For an addict or an alcoholic, isolation will lead to a lonely and miserable existence. The substance actually becomes your best friend, and eventually your only friend. Therein lies the paradox...the vicious cycle of addiction: when you try to put down the drug of choice it feels as though you’ve lost your best friend. So you continue to go to the source of pain for comfort. The emotional attachment to the drink or the drug can actually be tougher to break than the physical addiction.

That’s the primary reason for the success of 12-step programs. You’ll find a community of supportive, like-minded people who’ve been there and know what you’re going through. You’ll hear yourself in their stories. You'll begin to connect with them, before or after a meeting, perhaps with a phone call, maybe over coffee or a walk or dinner and eventually even at sober gatherings and events. You’ll be encouraged to get a sponsor, someone who can provide a lifeline to pull you out of the isolation that has you trapped and alone. The connection with another human being is critical, and the accountability and honesty will help you move farther and farther away from that drink or drug. 

But 12-step programs aren’t for everyone. Treatment is not one-size-fits-all. The solution starts with the willingness to accept help, and there are many pathways to recovery. None of them, however, are “do-it-yourself”. A recovery coach can be invaluable for those who choose not to attend meetings or even choose not to practice total abstinence. A coach or sober companion will provide the support, guidance and traction that is critical in early recovery. Your recovery coach will be a companion, mentor, ally, confidante, role model, resource broker, advocate and cheerleader.

And a friend.

As The Jackson Five sang, "I'll Be There".